My dad always said there is a thin line between Love/Hate...

I find much coincidence in my dad being the one who explained that old adage to me many years ago… Largely because he plays a role in why I now have a love/hate relationship with one very important thing: Christmas. I know... Gasp! Shame on me! How could I possibly have even a twinge of hate for the most beloved holiday in all the world!? Well, let me explain:

SURE, I have some great memories of Christmas. One of my favorites is how my brother, Davis, and I used to make pallets on the floor so we could sleep together Christmas Eve so whoever woke up first could wake the other before going down stairs to see what Santa had left us. (That was actually a memory that made me break down in tears when he got married... I knew we would never do this again, and as happy as I was for him to get married, it absolutely broke my heart.) Another memory that really sticks out is spending time with my extended family… I’m a sucker for family time! I can look back over the years and recall year to year the different feelings I had as I saw some of my cousins that, often times, I hadn’t seen since the Christmas before, and would think about how much we had all changed and would merely soak up the time I had with them. I’ve always cherished my family and the traditions we’ve had together. Not only do I have a thousand reminiscences that flood my memory which have helped form my deep love and affinity for Christmas time and why it has always been my favorite holiday. Besides that aspect, I get the biggest rush out of finding that perfect gift for someone (and not just for a specific holiday, event or reason!) and, of course, enjoy seeing all of the festive decorations and singing traditional Christmas carols. So, there is the "love" part.

But on the dark side of the moon... Christmas has always been the holiday that my entire family got together; however, that’s not so much an option anymore. I'm not about to go into a sob story about the events leading up to this, but I have not had a ‘family Christmas’ since 2005 and I can't help but have a slight sour taste in my mouth when I recall why!

This year seems particularly bleak because not only am I single, but this is the first time I’ve been home since my parents’ divorce was made “official” and my brother just got married November 22nd, so now he has his own family to ‘tend’ to so I’m pretty much the lone sibling now. My job also requires that I travel every other week so I haven’t been home much for the month of December and it doesn’t help that my mom has a heavy heart this year and isn’t much in the Christmas spirit.

And, of course, I know the “Reason for the Season” and now, more than ever, I’m trying my best to keep that as my focus because it’s so easy to let bitterness and sadness creep in when you feel so alone. I WANT to be festive. I WANT to have the Christmas spirit. I REALLY DO!!! So, please keep me and my family in your prayers during this time.

“I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you.” Luke 2:10-11

Hopefully, being back at home in Alabama next week with mom and my closest friends will help remove this dark cloud that seems to be following me these days! Although this season has proved to be ‘tough’ for me and my family, I have also learned a lot!! I have SO much to be thankful for and don’t want anyone to think that I am being ‘Debbie Downer’. So stay tuned for a ‘grateful’ post in the coming days… Until then, may the light of His birth fill our hearts with Joy this Christmas and always!!

All my love and MERRY CHRISTmas!!!!